Failure as an educational tool
One important aspect of life is learning and being able to cope with failure. Many parents in today’s world think that there should be no such thing as losing and that they should shield their kids from any sort of discomfort. If you do not teach kids success and failure at a young age, how do you expect kids to cope with these types of situations later in life? Life is not paved with golden bricks. We do not end up getting everything the way we like it in life. Why are we creating that kind of illusion for our kids? Being able to develop a coping mechanism in kids for these types of situations will prepare them to become much more successful in life. Hiding disappointment or having the child only approach comfortable situations and never standing up to anything is a recipe for disaster. How does someone at an older age cope with uncomfortable situations if they do no know how to deal with them? It is impossible and will lead to a huge failure at a time when you have to deal with a situation and when it carries much larger consequences than when you are young. It is essential for ones well-being and should be developed in a person rather than be ignored. Being able to deal with fail or any other kind of difficult situation is a skill that is essential for success. Failing should not be viewed as a set back or a negative circumstance but rather as a learning experience. It should be something that leads one to become better at a certain activity. If you learn from failing and get better at it that will only lead to better results. If you think you are good at something, but in reality that is not the case, it will get you nowhere in the future where results matter. It is also a much greater disappointment if you think you are good at something and then someone tells you otherwise when you are older. Try to find something that you are good at and strive to get better.
The notion of failure has to change and kids do need to be taught that it exists. The way to do that is to alter the notion it comes with not as something negative but rather as a learning experience that teaches us something that we learn something about ourselves and our abilities. Everyone is not good at everything, rather everyone is good at only some things and the goal should be to discover those talents.
Until next time
Ta ta
Got Game?
A strange concept that I will write about today is how guys measure their success with women. Why is it that you have to sleep with the most girls to be the coolest guy around? When has this absolutely stupid notion come about? The more girls you can sleep with the more “game” you have. This should not be a measurement of how cool you are. Being able to prey on some low self-esteem people and taking advantage of them by putting on a show about how cool you are does not make you cool. It makes you look like a very low form of being that lacks any sense of moral values. If I am assuming correctly “game” in the context it is used means how well you talk to girls. Well the sad part is that people who have this amazing game that prey on these girls with low self-esteem are just like them and are looking to validate themselves to their peers and themselves. Most of these people have nothing interesting to say and therefore are not interesting people. I know what these conversations look like usually they are mainly focused on how much drinking they did or other sort of nonsensical topic. Having “game” is a stupid concept used to try to provide some sense of worth to people who lack it. You are not the coolest person because you slept with the most girls. You build your self-worth and self-esteem by being an individual thinker and being able to be confident in yourself.
Until next time
Ta ta
Want to play a game?
A subject that I have addressed earlier in my blog was conversation and dating issues. Today I will continue with that theme by talking about playing games in dating. A concept that do not really make sense to me, but a matter that I have talked to people about that do believe in them. I tried to grasp these perceptions, but I am unable to make sense of them and I will explain why these things are not good guidelines to follow in dating.
Lets start out with this stupid notion of playing “hard” to get or for guys to not seem desperate. I don’t know who invented these absolutely moronic rules about dating such as the three day rule. For those of you that don’t know about it, it means a guy cannot call a girl after going out with her for three days. Whoever came up with these rules has completely made the dating scene much more difficult than it has to be and the people that follow these rules are just self-doubting and unconfident people. Why is it that in dating people have to play by some rules that have been set forth by someone else? You should be yourself, act like yourself and do things that you would normally do. What good does it do that you put on a fake show like a lot of people like to do? Your personality and the true you will come out. Just let it out initially and it will save you and the other person a lot of time if in the end when both of your true personalities come out and neither of you like the other person for who they really are. For some reason by talking to the other person very little, ignoring them completely or any other sort of weird concept people think they are giving of a signal of not being desperate or easy. The only signal that sends is the fact that you are immature and have no idea how to act as an adult. What baffles me the most is that almost all of the people that resort to these tactics are exactly the way they do not want to be perceived. They end up sleeping or doing something else with the people they meet. Where is the logic in this type of behavior? Why it is that people try to playing these immature games, but are afraid to go out on normal dates? They complain about the type of people they meet and they just want to meet decent people. Well if you know that what you have been doing doesn’t work out isn’t it time to change the way you go about meeting people of the opposite sex and your pattern of dating?
Until next time
Ta ta
Strength to triumph
The new season of Tough Love, which is a show on VH1 hosted by Steve Ward, has aired on Sunday. For those unfamiliar with the show it is a show about women who need some serious help in order to find love. The host tries to help these women with issues in dating and get them on the right path to finding love. If you haven’t seen season 1 then you don’t know how it ended, but none of the women found any love and are still the same. What is even worse it that after ten weeks of working on one of the girls she is back for season 2.
The reason I bring this up is because it demonstrates my next point. One must be willing to change and be very determined and persistent to attain any kind of change. There is only so much that can be done by a person trying to tell someone else how to change, but it is up to that person to apply the things they learn. As the show goes Steve Ward tries to teach these girls on how to change and what to do to change, but they do not take anything out of it. They are not changing because they are not welcoming these changes. All they do is keep yelling that since he is the only one saying these things that there is something wrong with him and not them. I would like to challenge that point with one argument. These girls are there because they need help. They have voluntarily applied for the show to get help because they obviously are not happy with the results they are getting from doing things their way. Steve Ward is there to teach not the get help. I can also tell you that by applying the things that I write about and ideas I try to spread to others I have a very happy and rewarding life. These girls just act like they completely lack any values and morals. In order to change one needs to stop pointing fingers at others and look inside for what is really at fault for the personal failures that one experiences.
Having someone lead and challenge you to grow and learn is only part of being able to do it. An individual has to be absolutely determined and realize that what someone else is telling them makes sense and use that knowledge not give up. It is hard it is really hard to change, to grow, to mature, but that is not a reason not to do it. The rewards you will receive from it will be priceless. The results you will see from your decisions will lead to a happier and more rewarding life. Try it don’t give up and see for yourself.
Until next time
Ta ta
Self-esteem the way to manage life
Recently I have been sent a very interesting link to an article written by Nathaniel Branden, Ph. D. about self-esteem. I have wanted to write about this topic for some time and I think now would be the perfect opportunity to do that. I will attach a link to the article at the bottom of the post for you to read. What is most interesting about his article are the six pillars for self-esteem. The six pillars are:
1. Living Consciously. To live consciously is to be present to what we are doing; to seek to understand whatever bears on our interests, values, and goals; to be aware both of the world external to self and also to the world within.
2. Self-acceptance. To be self-accepting is to own and experience, without denial or disowning, the reality of our thoughts, emotions and actions; to be respectful and compassionate toward ourselves even when we do not admire or enjoy some of our feelings or decisions; to refuse to be in an adversarial or rejecting relationship to ourselves.
3. Self-responsibility. To be self-responsible is to recognize that we are the author of our choices and actions; that we must be the ultimate source of our own fulfillment; that no one is coming to make our life right for us, or make us happy, or give us self-esteem.
4. Self-assertiveness. To be self-assertive is to honor our wants and needs and look for their appropriate forms of expression in reality; to live our values in the world; to be willing to be who we are and allow others to see it; to stand up for our convictions, values, and feelings.
5. Living Purposefully. To live purposefully is to take responsibility for identifying our goals; to perform the actions that allow us to achieve them; to keep on track and moving toward their fulfillment.
6. Personal integrity. To live with integrity is to have principles of behavior to which we remain loyal in action; to keep our promises and honor our commitments; to walk our talk.
You can see that some things I have already written about and there are a few things left to address. These things are essential and the more you think about and execute them the higher your self-esteem will be.
As defined by the Webster-Merriam Online Dictionary self-esteem is “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself.” It is what defines us. Our self-esteem determines what kind of people we are. It is the building block of every emotion and though that we have. It can be changed and in many cases it should be changed. Low self-esteem leads to a complete collapse of ones life whereas having a high self-esteem can lead to a very rewarding and satisfying life. As Abraham Maslow said it is one of our needs. Without self-esteem we do not exist. Ones self-esteem depends on how we view ourselves. Many people in our society today suffer from issues of low self-esteem. It is of paramount importance that we as a whole do something about this and try to solve this issue and get people feeling better. The healthier your self-esteem, the better you do at work or in school and you have a more positive outlook on life.
Reasons for low self-esteem?
Through my research I have found numerous things that people blame low self-esteem on. These reasons are failures in the work place or school, bullying, disability, religion, self-image, excessive criticism, negative experiences and many others. I cannot possibly agree with any of these reasons. The main reason people have low self-esteem is bad parenting. As children we have no sense of what is right or wrong. We do not distinguish between things we need guidance. There is a need for establishing a sense of worth within ones self but since we are not able to do it ourselves yet we need our parents to start that process for us. With proper guidance we can prepare for whatever the future brings. Things that most people list as events that lead to low self-esteem are wrong for one fundamental reason; people who have suffered from being hurt by these issues already have low your self-esteem. All it does is create vicious cycle in your life. By making bad decision and having negative results it will lead to an even lower self-esteem. Until you decide to get out of that cycle it will get worse and worse. Events such as failures and criticism should not bother you but on the contrary as a person of self-esteem you need to learn from those things instead of letting them get to you. Negative experiences and disability are not easy things to deal with, but again especially in today’s world you see many people that overcome such things and move on stronger than before. In circumstances such as these it is imperative that you had proper guidance and support. One main thing that people also blame on self-esteem issues is the way you view yourself. Everyone should realize that no one is perfect it is all about feeling comfortable in your own skin. Do what is it that you think makes you look and feel good. Since there is no proper guidance for a majority of people, they have self-esteem issues and let things get to them. New fads such as what is shown on MTV and other stupid cool crazes should not be the image everyone needs to strive for. This is the case because very few people actually feel comfortable with who they are. Even people that you see on a daily basis that think they are cool on come of as confident are most likely also very insecure and suffer from self-esteem issues and try to be like what they see on TV. It is important for parents to reevaluate how they go about raising their kids and what they do to try to boost their children’s self-esteem. Without that step they are doomed to grow up with low self-esteem. Lack of parental guidance combined with the bombardment of images from TV leads to a catastrophically low self-esteem in an astounding number of people. There is also the factor of genetics as in every case there will be exceptions. Parents can try everything and the kids might still turn out differently than intended and on the other hand with no guidance from the parents some kids will grow up to have no self-esteem issues.
How to solve this issue?
Change is necessary. Rates of depression and related problems are rising and if something doesn’t happen it will continue. Taking pills for these types of issues cannot be a permanent solution. It can be a temporary solution until there is a better long-term solution in effect. The way it is done today is not acceptable. Giving out medals for last place and letting kids know that they are good at something even if they are not. That is not how self-esteem should be addressed. What kind of message is that sending to kids? Each person is not good at everything the key is to find your strengths and talents and exceed at those skills rather than try to push forward in areas of weakness. Kids need to realize that failure is going to happen, but that you can rise up and learn from it and become stronger. Parents are the initial reason for issues with self-esteem and therefore they are a part of the solution. They need to realize how to develop self-esteem in kids using the right methods and foster that self-esteem. What we also have to realize that most parents are the product of being raised in an environment that was not conducive to growth a healthy self-esteem. Since this is the case another important part to helping kids develop a healthy self-esteem lies in the hands of the school system. It is of utmost importance that starting in elementary school and going into the college years that children take classes that teach them to think as individuals, how to learn from failure and not have it destroy you, deal with difficult situations, handle criticism, and most importantly not to look to MTV and other moronic TV stations for how to act and think. Develop a sense of individualism and have it be the “cool” thing to do and not follow images supplied by mass media.
People need to cultivate a healthy self-esteem. It weights on everything that you do in your daily life and how you view yourself. With a higher self-esteem you will see your life change in a more positive direction and you will get more pleasure out of it. You will be a happier person and everyone around you will view you in a positive light. The most important thing to remember it is not how others view you it is how you view yourself and that is only dependant on your thoughts, which only you can change.
Link to article:
http://www.nathanielbranden.com/catalog/articles_essays/our_urgent_need.html
Until next time
Ta ta
Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-alcohol
Another issue important to the lack of rational thinking is the excuses people make for their lack of judgment. One of my personal favorite excuses people make is blaming their irresponsible behavior on alcohol. How many times have you heard someone say, “I only did that because I was drunk” as a reason to justify their stupid behaviors. When you kill someone while you were drunk it is just as bad as if you were sober. Instead of using an excuse for something stupid there are two options you can go with. One way to handle it is to take responsibility for your actions by learning from it and never ever doing it again. A second option that you can go with is to not put yourself in a compromising situation. If you know that when you drink to much you do something stupid don’t drink too much. If you know you are dating someone that is not worth your time don’t wait for the relationship to sink just get out of it right away. THINK about what you are doing. You are the one and only person responsible for your actions and the decisions you make. Think about what you do and start taking responsibility and not blame everything on something else.
According to our new backwards culture we are suppose to feel bad for people when something unfortunate happens to them. Unless it was truly out of your hands and it happened out of no where, I do not feel sorry for someone that had an unfortunate event occur because they usually put themselves in that position. I will move on to an example that I know and hear about all the time which often occurs in relationships, girlfriends that get hurt by their boyfriends and then cry about it for months. I don’t think it is that hard for someone to recognize like they are being treated badly. If you already know that it is not going to work out or it isn’t working out why are you still in that relationship? When he cheats on you again or he breaks up with you, then how is it possible to feel bad for that person who put herself in that position? The point of rational thinking is to avoid situations that are bad by thinking before making decisions in life. I do not feel bad for most people and I do not sympathize with girlfriends that have been hurt. I also don’t have any sympathy for people that did something stupid when they were drunk or any other sort of people that have things to complain or cry about in situations that they could control the outcome of.
Until next time
Ta ta
Shattered Dreams
This entry will be dedicated to one of the most important topics and challenges in today’s society — the complete lack of motivation among today’s youth. It is astounding how many people lack motivation to do anything in life. From my observations I have seen that most people love to dream instead of doing anything to achieve. They look at what others have and wish that they could have the same life. Everyone loves to watch TV and see what the great lives of movie stars and singers. So many people dream of having a nice house, a fancy car, and vacations to Europe, yet most people do not have the motivation to achieve these goals. You probably have friends who are dreamers and maybe you are one of them, but the sad part is that these things are attainable. It does not just have to be a dream or a goal that is never reached, but there is a catch to getting there because it is not easy. The catch is called hard work and a good work ethic. Instead of blaming everyone and everything around you on what you didn’t achieve in life, you should stop blaming others and take personal initiative to achieve your dreams. You can only expect to get as much as you are willing to put. Without busting your butt in school, going to college and graduating with good grades and then later in life putting a strong effort into your job, you cannot expect a good lifestyle to come to you. This country is not some third world country with no education and no opportunities. You have free education with which you need to create opportunities for yourself in later life. With good grades you can go to a good college, which in turn leads to landing a good job. You need to be proactive about life not let it pass you or do what is easy at the current time. You can dream, you can even dream big but as big as your dreams are your motivation and amount of hard work needs to be equal those goals. Then and only then can you have what you wanted and what the people that you spend hours on TV watching have. It is not a dream it is an attainable goal. Stop dreaming and get to work.
Until next time
Ta ta
Downfall of fashion
Today I will address the topic of fashion. Fashion in today’s society is completely unprofessional and the fact that people consider it fashion is complete garbage. The fact that someone can throw on a pair of sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt and a backwards hat and think that it is acceptable is absolutely ridiculous. Since when has the backwards hat become a fashionable item? When you wear a hat backwards, it symbolizes to any classy human being that you are a complete bum. Why can’t we return to the good old days such as the 1950’s when everyone dressed appropriately? Men wore nice suits or nice jeans and a sweater, women put on nice dresses. For some reason in today’s society being dressed nicely is synonymous with elitism. I find that to be a very flawed view. What you put on and how you carry yourself speaks of what type of person you are. If you are well groomed and dressed nicely, people will respect you more and think more highly of you. If you walk down the street and wear jeans with holes in them and some old t-shirt you look like you don’t care about not just your fashion, but about your own life. It is not elitist to be well dressed because you do not need thousands of dollars to look good. You do not need to wear the most expensive clothing to look respectable. It doesn’t matter where you purchase your clothes because nice clothes are sold at every price. As long you are not buying hats for the purpose of wearing them backwards and oversized clothing, then you should look presentable to other people. The low-class, new MTV generation fashion needs to be removed from our society, and the suits and dresses of the old days need to be brought back to reestablish professionalism in our youth.
Until next time
Ta ta
Where did the though process go?
Today’s topic will discuss the lack of rational thinking most people have in today’s world. Since people do not take part in rational thinking, the amount of irrational thinking that is applied to people’s decision-making blocks them from making good decisions.
Poor decision-making is something you see on a daily basis. Something happens around you and you think to yourself how the f*** did that just happen? If the person thought about what they were doing at that moment, then the disaster could have been avoided. Everyone one thinks they know better then the other person. No one focuses on what is the correct thing to do or the proper way to act but instead everyone wants to prove to everyone else that they are right leading to irrational decision-making. Everyone is not right there should be some rational thought process that everyone should use to reach certain conclusions about daily events. One huge step in developing rational thinking would be to get rid of the way most people like to handle things, by eliminating the first emotional response that comes to them. That is probably the worst way to go about trying to properly think through a situation. I’m sorry to say but you could not possibly make things worse than reacting in such an irrational manner. Think about a simple example that could occur to anyone and how much worse the outcome could be if you make an emotional decision. Everyday examples likes getting the wrong sandwich in the morning at the deli, an argument you and your wife have, getting into a car accident, just think about any situation were you would find yourself getting mad or wanting to react right away without thinking about what you are doing. Now think about the results you are getting by reacting in a negative, emotional, and irrational manner. How has that worked out for you? Do you find yourself satisfied with the results? Does it make your day better? All the answers are probably not positive. If you would have just thought about the situation and tried to resolve it in a rational and thoughtful manner, I believe the outcome of the situation would be more positive. By stopping your initial emotional response to the situation and applying a rational thought process to the situation you would get positive results.
All it takes is a little thinking. We all have brains that function and they are there for everyone to use. No one has been passed up on this give away. So please use what you have up there and think. Put it to good use and let reason beat out any sort of animalistic response to the first emotion that comes to you when reacting to any situation.
Until next time
Ta ta
Can you hear me!!!
Have you ever walked around on a Friday or Saturday night and heard a group of boys and girls yelling about absolutely nothing. Have you ever wondered how irrational and immature it is when you go to a party, and you here a group of guys yelling because they just hit a beer bong? Today’s blog will address how idiotic this kind of social behavior is, and why it needs to be stopped.
Through my interactions with people, I never needed to resort to yelling as a form of socializing or communicating what I want to say. Usually I just talk to them in a respectful and polite manner, as this is the most efficient way to socially interact with one another. I feel that people who yell only have something to prove and believe that yelling will make them seem cooler to those around them. Furthermore, the yelling carries over when arguing about something, from different opinions on football teams to which American beer tastes better. This is especially prominent in college towns across America. Students in college love to yell while walking down the street, whether it is about how drunk they are, how their football team won today or some other kind of nonsensical topic. This yelling in the streets translates into their conversation skills that they completely lack. The minute someone voices a different opinion, college students automatically resort to yelling. Instead of carrying out a normal argument and discussing the issues at hand, they just start yelling and do not let the other side get their point of view across. The “so-called” future of America acts no better than chimps at a zoo do, making me believe that Darwin’s theory of evolution may not be so true after all. I don’t know if everyone reading this has been to a zoo and saw how these animals interact with each other. If you have, you will know that they just yell and screech at each other over nothing, but the one substantial difference between zoo animals and us is that we supposedly have a more developed brain and should think rationally before acting. Well I do not see it in the buffoonish behavior that these people exhibit.
As a final note, if you are one of those people who like to yell in the street, please think about what you are doing and refrain from doing it. If you do not yell in the street, then thank you and please tell others that you know that yelling is not cool. Please, only keep the yelling to football games and other places as its one of the few times that its appropriate.
Until next time
Ta ta
